Why Get Married?

Why get married?  We don't believe that human vows to be together "forever" can trump the will of God's destiny, and we wouldn't want to!   Why formalize what already is?  Why get the State involved in our intimate relationship?  Why give credence to a ritual that has historically manifested as an oppressively religious, economically misogynistic, blatantly consumerist manipulative way to control populations?

Even as my Beloved Richard and I asked ourselves these questions, we found ourselves moving toward a ritualized legal marriage ceremony.  Actually THREE ceremonies!  An Apache ritual in San Diego on June 7, a Community ritual at Harbin Temple on July 19, and a third to come in Richard's homeland of Germany with his family.  That's a lot of public ritual commitment for a couple who never thought they'd get married.

Why did we get Married?  Here's Why…

1. Marriage is Magic.

Marriage invokes great magic -- the magic of intention, devotion, and community support.  Something shifts with a Rite of Passage.  Something magical happens when a group of people share common intention with passion and love.  We specifically invoked this blessing from our community with the wedding ritual, and received a massive influx of supportive miraculous energy in the process.

2. Challenging The Old Marriage Fantasy. Like most women, I've got the little-girl fantasy of the white knight in shining armor who protects me from feeling ugly, sad, lonely, and purposeless.  My old marriage fantasy is of the man who protects me from the Realities I don't like.  My old idea of marriage is to marry someone who will support my ego - tell me I'm the Prettiest, the Best, the One and Only Incredible Woman.  The fantasy husband protects my feelings, supports my positions, and champions my ideas no matter WHAT they are.  Full Collusion to protect my ego.   And if he won't do it, or if he stops… time to get another husband!  I deserve better!

This old marriage fantasy is such a trap!  And anyone who's been in long-term relationship can tell you it doesn't work.   In my partnership with Richard, we agree to support this relationship in Truth - a constant ongoing individual and couple's quest for the Real.  We agree to share and inquire into our fantasies, and to keep pointing ourselves and each other back to what is real.  Speaking and hearing the truth is challenging, but at least it's not the soul-ripping suffering of expecting another to protect and serve my ego!

3. Commitment as Spiritual Practice: Choosing This Mirror.

To marry this man is to marry my own devotion to loving what is, as opposed to what "should be."  To marry this man is to marry a mirror.  I'm not going to switch mirrors just because he shows me the ugly reality as well as the pretty.  This is the man I will meet in lovemaking every day -  guided by breath, by honesty, by the truth of the body - without the fantasy, without the put-on, without the manipulation. It's just the right kind of Scary.